SYNOPSIS

Quiet the Rage is based on the principles I developed during becoming a certified professional coach. During the past five years, I’ve shared these principles with hundreds of people struggling with conflict, and applied them during thousands of hours of coaching. And now, I’d like to share them with others with the hope that they, as have my clients, will come

• Understand that all human behavior is a function of personal values.
• Recognize that conflict exists when someone feels as though one of their personal values has been offended; or, when someone feels like another is imposing their personal values on them.
• Realize that we sometimes create the behavior in others that we don’t want.
• Learn about the specific situations that are prone to offend our personal values in order to anticipate them, manage them, and proactively avoid them.

When one of our personal values is offended, we become emotionally charged, armed and ready for action, or, more appropriately described, reaction. When we’re reactive, we’re not our best selves, nor do we produce the best outcomes. We’re unable to think rationally, because of the thought-stopping nature of an emotional hijacking. We create winners and losers, in either ourselves or others, based on our default style of reaction. That is, reacting as a Victim; by withdrawing, feeling helpless and powerless, or reacting In Conflict; by lashing out, becoming angry and aggressive, argumentative and combative.

Furthermore, we don’t recognize that others’ behavior is simply their honoring their values. And that recognition is the keystone to eliminating the offensiveness we perceive in their behavior. Recognition leads to the transformation of our reaction into a response, flipping it from a negative interaction to a positive one. The result? We not only eliminate conflict from that interaction, we eliminate conflict altogether, from every interaction.